


what people expect

by martainez



Series: perfectly imperfect [6]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 23:58:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16315157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/martainez/pseuds/martainez
Summary: Childhood fears, expectations and Dan’s ability to fall asleep on aeroplanes.





	what people expect

**Author's Note:**

> It's my birthday today, I'm officially an adult. (Be nice to me, I'm sensitive)

As a little boy, Phil had always been scared that he would fall out of an aeroplane. That his seat would all of a sudden sink through the floor, with him on it, and fall through the sky towards his inevitable death. 

As a thirty-one-year-old man, he’s aware that that’s impossible - that there’s more than a relatively thick layer of aluminium separating him from the outside world. He’s aware that there are engines, fuel tanks and even a shit ton of check-in suitcases underneath him.

Yeah. He’s aware. But still, as soon as he starts to think about it - about falling - it feels like a possibility. He’s a human; two legs, two arms, a back, a front and an above average sized head. And most importantly: no wings. He’s a normal human, and a normal human shouldn’t be able to fly. It should be impossible.

So, how come he’s currently sitting in a metal construction about twelve kilometres above the ground? He’s doing the impossible, so who is to say that it’s impossible to fall through the floor? Exactly. 

“Would your friend want a cup of coffee or tea?” a rather sweet voice says, it throws Phil out of his train of thought. He looks to his left, in the aisle, there’s a woman. She’s wearing a blue scarf around her neck and smiling politely at him. When Phil doesn’t answer she nods towards his right, he turns his head again and the realisation hits him. 

“No, he’s good. Thanks,” he says, turning to her again and watches as she steps forward in the aisle to talk to another passenger, possible asking them the same question. 

He looks at Dan again, he’s as curled up in the plane seat as a 6’3 man could possibly be. He’s not snoring, just letting small puffs of air out of his mouth every now and then. 

It’s unfair, Phil thinks, that Dan can just relax and fall asleep at any place and any time. He just closes his eyes and slips into unconsciousness as if it was as easy as slipping on a pair of shoes. 

Phil would never be able to do that. Especially not with all the threats of an aeroplane surrounding him. 

He pops a gum into his mouth. Chews it quietly, there’s no real taste to it. The bag says eucalyptus, but it only cost him a pound, and how much eucalyptus is a pound worth, really? 

He offers the bag of gum to Dan, who’s still sleeping. But it’s the thought that counts, right? 

 

** *** **

 

Another hour passes. It’s just as boring and lonely as Phil predicted. The steward came by once again, she offered him a half-time snack and he accepted it. He choose the sweet option but grabbed a savoury for Dan as well. 

He’s been staring at the screen in front of him for a while now. It’s playing ‘The Book Thief’, and it’s actually really interesting, Phil’s just not giving it his full attention. He’s still thinking about his childhood fear of falling out of the aeroplane. It’s a great concept for a movie really, maybe he’ll make it a reality one day. One day when he’s not this tired, this unfairly treated, this... lonely. 

 

** ***  **

 

They’re one hour away from arrival when Dan decides to wake up. He stirs in his seat, his eyes still not fully focused as he turns his head to look at Phil.

“R’ we there yet?” he slurs. 

“In an hour or so yeah”.

Dan nods. He looks a lot less tired than before the flight, but there’s still a tinge of blue underneath his eyes. 

“You want some crisps?” Phil asks and grapes the unopened bag he grabbed from the steward earlier on. Dan seams to consider his options for a good minute before shaking his head.

“That would make my fingers all greasy.”

Phil understands. It’s not like Dan is obligated to want everything Phil offers him. To be real, he didn’t even pay for them. It’s simply a gift. A gift from the airline to be exact. So why is it that this whole situation is forming some kind of a lump in Phil’s stomach? Why is the way Dan turns away and closes his eyes weighting down on him like a ton of bricks?

Why is he feeling so lonely, cramped in a seat, in an aeroplane full of people, next to the love of his life? 

“Are you ever scared of just... falling?” Phil mumbles more to himself than to anyone else. And even though he’s pretty sure no one heard, he still looks over at Dan to get his reaction. It would be a lie to say that he felt better with what he saw. Dan’s plugged his AirPods in, surely listening to something that Phil would find uninteresting. He’s looking out through the window, his eyes following the clouds as they fly past.

“I am,” Phil whispers, this time a hundred precent sure that no one heard him.

 

** *** **

 

The landing is nothing special. They touch the ground without as much as a sound. A handful of passengers clap for the pilot, a few others gives themselves an imaginary facepalm (because only nerds clap when the plane lands, right?). The rest of them starts fumbling with their seatbelt, even though the sign is still clearly on, just so they can get of the plane as soon as possible, not wanting to spend a second longer in there than necessary. 

They get out of the plane eventually, goes through the passport control without any trouble and grabs their suitcase. The whole thing takes about thirty five minutes and then they’re sitting in a taxi, both with their heads leaning against the windows. 

They haven’t uttered a word since they got in the car, other than giving the driver the directions of course. But now, as they’re more than half way there, the silence starts to feel unsettling. 

Dan is the first one to say something.

“I think we should order pizza” his eyes are focused on the outside world and it almost seems as if he’s not fully aware that he just voiced his thoughts. 

Phil hums. He doesn’t feel bothered to answer. If he was to be honest with himself; he isn’t really feeling up for takeaway. Or food in general. He just wants to lay down and rest, not really his body, but his mind.

“I think we deserve some pizza,” Dan says. He’s full on talking to himself by now. He starts talking about how they deserve to be treated like kings, just for the night at least. He talks about how they deserve it after everything they’ve done. He talks about how he’s so proud and- wait, did he say proud?

“You’re proud?” Phil asks, it’s a stupid question, of course Dan is proud. Why wouldn’t he be? 

“‘Course,” Dan says, he’s smiling. 

“Of yourself?” 

“Of us,” Dan says, matter-of-factly. “I’m proud of us, because we made it together.” 

Something in Phil turns, something that he can’t quite name. Dan’s not wrong, in theory, they did make it together, but what about Phil’s appearance was really worthy to be proud of? 

“But people expect me to do things like this, when you show up, people-“ he pauses and takes a deep breath. “I don’t know. People are so proud of you when you show up despite everything that’s going on, you know”. 

Phil almost doesn’t dare to look up at Dan, but when he does he’s met with a deep frown and brown eyes glimpsing with what almost looks like hurt. Or maybe concern. 

They don’t have time to continue the conversation as their driving pulls up outside their home. 

 

** *** **

 

The flat looks just like it did when they left it, to no one's surprise. Phil turns the light switch on and the hallway is lit up. He kicks his shoes off and watches as Dan bends down to put them in place. He’s truly grateful to have someone like Dan in his life, without him... well, everything would be a complete mess (literally). 

Phil doesn’t even have time to walk to the lounge before Dan grabs him by his shoulder, it’s a gentle touch. 

“Did you sleep well on the flight?” he asks, voice matching the gentle touch on Phil’s shoulder. 

Phil turns to look him in the eyes, he has a worried frown on his face, and brown eyes full of concern. It causes Phil’s stomach to tighten with guilt. He caused that. 

“No..” he confesses, “my mind. I- couldn’t get it to shut up” 

“I figured,” Dan says as he reaches down to grab Phil’s hand. He smiles sadly as he says: “You know what? Screw the pizza, I think we should go straight to bed” 

Phil can’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. He nods and lets Dan drag him to their bedroom.

 

** *** **

 

Their bedroom has the perfect temperature, it’s hot enough not to shiver but cold enough to be wanting to cuddle up next to a hot body. So, that’s exactly what Phil does. He’s lying with his head resting on Dan’s chest and Dan’s arms tugging him closer as he draws simple patterns across his side. 

The lack of sleep is evident in the way Phil’s eyes flutter shut the moment he lays his head down. But he can feel it in the air that he can’t fall asleep yet, there’s too much left unsaid.

“The thing you said in the car, you know that’s complete bullshit right?” he hears Dan say. He knew that conversation wasn’t over, that Dan would be thinking about it still, just waiting for the right opportunity to bring it up again. But, was this really the right opportunity? 

“Dan,” Phil whines.

“It is. People don’t expect you to always do things like this,” Dan pauses and brings his hand up to gently stroke Phil’s cheek. 

“People don’t have the right to expect you to do anything. I never expect anything from you, other than... you know- household stuff.” He leans down and pecks Phil on his forehead. “I mean that people are just as proud of you as they are of me. We did it together, as a unit.”

Phil has the urge to smile. And he does. 

“And most importantly: _I’m_ proud of you. And I’m sorry if I left you alone with your thoughts the whole flight.” 

“It’s okay,” Phil answers, because it is. Because Dan always make everything seem okay somehow. He doesn’t care about that he spent the whole flight worrying over falling and being lonely, he only cares about the fact that he’s lying here, in bed, with his man - feeling okay. He cuddles closer to Dan. He’s not alone and he’s certainly not lonely. Why would he ever think that? 

The silence surrounds them, it’s comfortable and familiar. Phil would have fallen asleep in less than a minute if it wasn’t for one last question nagging in the back of his brain.

“Where you ever scared of falling through the floor as a kid?” He can feel the vibrations as Dan tries to stop himself from laughing.

“I dreamt about falling through the bathroom floor while taking a bath once,” Dan chuckles. It’s the most beautiful sound Phil’s heard all day. It must be contagious as Phil starts laugh as well.   
  
Phil can feel himself drift off as their laughter dies down. There’s a hand in his hair, massaging his scalp. The last thing he can remember is a quiet voice, full of love and affection whisper, in the silence of the night:  
  
”I love you”.

 

** *** **

 

They eat takeaway pizza the next day. It’s greasy and super unhealthy and every dietician in the world would faint if they saw the number of dips they ordered to go with, but it’s everything they could have ever wished for. 

They are enveloped in a huge fluffy blanket as they binge-watch ‘Dark tourist’, all alone in the comfort of their home. 

_Phil has never felt less lonely._

**Author's Note:**

> x


End file.
